Hello everyone! Yes, I know, it has been awhile since I posted my last post. I started my blog one year ago and it was a complete different world to me. I wouldn’t say my blog is a success, frankly, it is far from it. And I am totally aware of the reason for it. I haven’t really been honest with my audience, neither with myself. I thought everything would change and no one would ever know anything.
But now it is Christmas time, and at Christmas we say the truth. It has been quite hard keeping up with both my blog and my shop, life in general. But I am really gratefull for my devoted readers and for all the people I’ve got to know having the shop. A couple of months ago I gave up denying and asked for a help, which I never do. So, I am facing it – I have been diagnosed with severe depression.
I never knew that it was possible to just lose yourself once and then not being able to find that spirit back. I have slowly been filling up with sadness and misery. I have become disinterested in the things that used to make me glad. At first, I thought, well, so what, everyone hurts sometimes but after awhile I realised – I am totally broken.
Of course, acknowledging my depression got me to believe in my own weakness and a failure. I was brought up in a very strict way where you never give up no matter what and suddenly I missed it, it was like a moment – realizing you are no longer yourself.
Now, I see what ( events, circumstances, obstacles) could lead to where I am at this particular moment but depression is definitely not something you can control or goes over night. I was really denying it and hiding it by isolating myself from the world or avoiding any socialization. I simply didn’t want telling people how I was doing and explaining why I am doing so.
But here I come, facing the darkness, marrying the night. I couldn’t do it on my own anymore. Depression is destructive and it gets you to destruct yourself.
I didn’t mean to ruin the holidays spirit for everyone but for me it is like a personal revelation, a relieve. The first step towards recovery is being honest with myself and that’s what this post is about.
I am looking forward to going home in a few days and visit my family after over a year of not being able leaving Norway. I hope that this trip is going to help me to figure out tons of things.
I need to say how thankful and grateful I am about having Espen beside me during all these lonely days and nights of mine, and all that support that my friends have been giving me.
One of my new year’s resolutions is being back to blogging, crafting and devoting myself to my Etsy store. I haven’t given enough effort, heart and soul to it.
No one knows what new year will bring. All we can do is hoping for better. I have lost my hope for better but I am looking for it and I want to believe it will be back to me. That’s my wish to myself this year.
I want everyone to have amazing festive holidays, full of happiness and love. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!